the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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