you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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