foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
