life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize