My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize