She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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