I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
