I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
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