So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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