First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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