I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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