She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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