i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
