i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
