I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
