I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize