If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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