We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
