I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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