people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
