Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
