i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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