Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
