if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
