I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
He has the fingertips of a God
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
