just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
