We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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