i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
