I can feel you judging me through the phone.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
