If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Randomize
