is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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