as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
