Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
