His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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