Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
