I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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