throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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