i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
this beer tastes like vomit already
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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