Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
