The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
