im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
