he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
