Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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