I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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