All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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