You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
