Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm sobbing to NWA
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
