She said her name was "party"
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize