i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
