Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
