After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
