So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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