But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
