haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
