my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize