i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
