Cold hands, warm shart.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
