neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
