This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I am never drinking with the goths again.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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