i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
try to milk me bitch
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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