Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I need to stop coming to work sober
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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