i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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