So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize