It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
