I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
