i'm signing you up for texting rehab
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
