Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
How does one acquire holy water?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
