if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
