you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Just pee around me
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
